Find calm, clarity, and growth in life's in-between moments with mindfulness and self compassion
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Life often feels like a series of destinations we are constantly striving for: the next promotion, the next vacation, the next milestone. In this pursuit, we frequently overlook the journey itself — the quiet moments, the subtle shifts, and the in-between spaces where genuine growth, contentment, mindfulness, and acceptance truly flourish.
The Illusion of Arrival
We often fall into the trap of believing that happiness is a fixed state we will achieve "when" certain conditions are met:
"I'll be happy when I get that job, when I lose weight, or when my kids are grown."
This illusion of arrival keeps contentment perpetually out of reach, as the finish line constantly moves. Life is an ongoing process of change; waiting for perfect conditions means we might wait forever.
If happiness isn’t a destination, perhaps it’s what we can find when we stop trying to get there.
Mindfulness: Anchoring in the Now
Mindfulness offers a gentle anchor in this ever-flowing change. It’s not about emptying your mind but about intentionally paying attention to the present moment without judgment. This somatic practice involves noticing simple sensations: the warmth of your coffee cup, the rhythm of your breath, the sounds around you, or the quiet hum of your thoughts.
When we step into the in-between and inhabit the now, we pause the chase for what’s next and rediscover the peace that’s already here.
Here, we realize that contentment isn’t a prize but a choice that we can make in this very moment. This space can feel uncomfortable because we have often identified with our ruminations and thought distortions for so long.
So what does it look like to be fully present in that space, instead of rushing through it?
Practice Mindfulness Daily
Start small. Dedicate five minutes each day to observing your breath or fully experience a routine activity like washing dishes or walking. Consistent practice will naturally bring more stillness and presence.
Acknowledge the Process
Whether you are working through challenges independently or with a therapist, remember that change is rarely linear. There will be good days and difficult days. This ebb and flow is part of the in-between and essential for growth. Acknowledge your efforts and small shifts rather than demanding instant transformation.
Be Kind to Yourself
The in-between can be uncomfortable. When old wounds resurface or new insights challenge long-held beliefs, practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend.
Celebrate Small Shifts
Instead of waiting for a grand "arrival," celebrate subtle changes.
These small victories are crucial indicators of progress.
I often use the analogy of a balloon in my sessions to illustrate our ever-changing circumstances and emotions.
The balloon floats freely, representing our feelings and experiences. However, when it is attached to a string, which symbolizes grounding and anchoring, we can acknowledge these shifts while also finding stability. This string helps us anchor the frantic feelings that may arise, allowing us to observe the beauty of the "flow" by accepting and celebrating these small and impactful shifts.
Growing in the In-Between
The in-between is not a void to be rushed through; it is the fertile ground where emotional resilience and self-compassion are built, new perspectives are forged, and genuine contentment takes root.
It is in this space that we learn to live more fully, experiencing the richness of the journey itself rather than just anticipating the next destination.
If this resonates with you, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) could be invaluable options for you.
Take a moment once you finish reading this to notice your own in-between before you move on to your next task. You may be surprised by what you find there.
